Killing Apathy and Finding Contentment

Sorry guys, this post is totally random, all my thoughts just thrown together. Hope you can keep track. :)

Do you ever feel like you are in a downward spiral? Yeah, so that was my week and I can see how I flunked in so many areas. I realized that I was frustrated and refusing to see the blessings that the Lord had for me. I was reading Jimmy Needham's myspace and something caught my eye:

"There is a phenomenon of supernatural apathy and a lack of vigor from a majority of American believers. We have bought into Satans lie that God just wants us to be happy. So we seek only to please ourselves, never looking to the lost with a broken heart, praying but never acting. This cannot be the Lords will."

I obviously was not content in the Lord and was trying to find it (yet again) in other people and things. I keep whining about how I hate being at school, how I'm unhappy, and how I honestly see no purpose in me being where I am. I got caught up in the mindset that my sole purpose in life is to be happy. Forget God's will right? Wrong. God has placed me here for his purpose and his will. I'm not happy with it? So what Arev. Suck it up. I want to do God's will and I'm tired of moping around, refusing to see all of the glorious things that God has been doing and is going to do. Sure, transition is hard, but that's okay. I need change, I need to be thrown out of my comfort zone, because now I am required to lean on the Lord for guidance. The last two weeks I felt apathetic and completely self absorbed. Now my question is, how do I find contentment in the Lord? I've been running on empty, and I'm ready to be filled with God's joy. I want to serve, and I want to work with what I have.

College is certainly not what I expected it to be and I think it's hilarious how I had all these plans and how they have all fallen through. Then I realized that I was not putting my hope in the Lord, but (as silly as this sounds) in college, in having fun, in experiencing new things. Well, I am definitely experiencing new things, just not the things I was hoping for. I really thought it would be easy, but it's not. I was talking to Azad and she said that maybe I should stop questioning if God wants me at FPU but rather embrace it. Embrace where Christ has me and just run with it. Okay God, I'm all yours. Do what you have for me and help me to be obedient.