When Nature Calls ,You Run!

So even though I have heard this a lot, college is extremely different from high school. I've decided to make a mental list:

1) When you gotta go, you just go! So, I was in my self defense class and I really had to go to the bathroom, and I didn't realize up until that point how trained I was from high school to wait and raise my hand (I didn't actually raise my hand, i knew that would be silly, but I considered it). I finally just got up the nerve to get up and go, and it didn't even phase my prof! He didn't care and neither did anyone else!


2) New terminology. It's no longer "teacher" but Prof, no longer "cafeteria" but caf, no longer...well, i can't think of any other term, but I'm liking it.

3) No annoying administrators/teachers keeping track of you.

There are tons more freedoms that I am really enjoying but I feel even more tired now that I am working and going to school. I miss Jacob and right now we are just adjusting to each other's schedules-we even decided to trade so we know when to reach each other. In other words, college is going great and I'm extremely thankful. I still feel a bit wierd at times because I'm still making friends, but I know that the Lord will bring those in good timing.

Frustrated

I'm so frustrated at life right now. I know God is going to do good things and he has the best planned for me, but right now I just don't see any of it. This last week has been really hard and I thought I was handling it pretty well, but now I just feel stuck. Everything I had planned just seemed to fall through and I'm left here feeling disappointed and that the same time trying to trust that I'm in the Lord's hands. All I feel like doing is crying and it's all out of frustration. I'm trying to lean on the promises that Jeremiah 29:11-13 holds, which says:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I honestly don't feel like going to Fresno Pacific anymore and I feel more disappointed than anything else.

...

"May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world."

Galatians 6:14

This week was certainly not what I expected it to be and was filled with disappointment, frustration, and a terrible attitude. I was also very tired and felt as if the sin I was struggling with was simply swept under the carpet until I could deal with it later. One question Loren asked us at church was, "What are you boasting in?" In other words, what is that one thing (or several things) that I have just been clinging to and hoping desperately that it would satisfy me and make me happy?

After thinking about it I knew that all week I had been boasting in the things of this world, like wanting to drive a nice car, live on campus (which also fell through) or looking a certain way. I also grew to be dependent on other people and things rather than the Lord. It is shameful to say that I chose to put so many things before the Lord this week and that in turn made me miserable. It's like I knew what I was doing wrong and I kept doing it which in the end comes back to bite you in the butt.

However, God has shown me his grace and compassion. He has not given me what I deserve and I'm so thankful for that and that there is absolutally nothing I can do to gain God's favor or make up for my sins.

On another note, today is Freshmen orientation which means that I don't have to go to work!I'm excited about meeting new people and I realize that it is so much easier to make friends in college than it is in high school! Everyone is just so kicked back and pretty dorky like myself. Jacob is also (lordwilling) going to come pick me up so we can spend some extra time together that we normally wouldn't have.

"If I find in myself a desire which nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Big God

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise."
Isaiah 43:18-21

I want to go on a missions trip, maybe Africa. It's so easy to become tangled into things of this world, things that are so inferior and minute compared to the living God. You think at the time that they are so important, and then you realize how big God really is. God is huge and he sees such a huge picture. I think I've concluded that God is big, I am not and his ways are so much cooler.

Blah Blah Blah

God is good no matter how I feel. This morning I woke up and felt a bit down because I know I haven't been seeking the Lord as I should. I'm not sure if you have ever woken up with a burden on your heart, but it was just one of those mornings. It's Wednesday, 2 more days of the week left! I have to admit, I feel rather blah at the moment, not only emotionally but also in my relationship with the Lord. The sucky part is that I know that it is my fault-although SWC was amazing, it still threw off my time with the Lord. Everytime I'm thrown off like that it's a bit difficult for me to get back into a regular routine, which is something I have been working towards. By the way, I saw my roommate yesterday and it looks like we are all settled as to who is bringing what for our dorm. I'm so thankful that Brittany isn't high maintenance and is cool with whatever. We're pretty excited about decorating our room :) So, i am off to work. Sorry you guys, this blog entry was pretty lame today, sort of reflecting my mood at the moment.