A Gassy Adventure

So after much deliberation and a change in my mood, I decided to change my blog template back to the happy pocka dots because that's how I'm feeling today. I suppose over the course of my time my templates will change here and there, depending on my mood. So, today is Monday, often the dreaded first day of the week. I have about 15 minutes till my next class and instead of choosing to study I decided to sit down and write a blog. So, some exciting events for this week:
The Big Fresno Fair! Yes, it's finally here. Don't forget to check out the farting cow, it's a new dairy exhibit that I read about in the newspaper. I am totally excited-I can't wait to see all of the animals and the cute bunnies! The thing I love most about the fair is that it's usually around the time when the weather begins to cool off. So, in other words, we have 2 days for the weather to cool down so all of Fresno can enjoy the fair.
So this morning I went to go pump gas at 7/11 and it was one of the most frustrating experiences I have had in my history of fueling. So, here are the steps to my gassy adventure:

1) Swipe card; try pumping gas-no go :(
2) Next step: Lock car, go inside 7/11, swipe card, go back outside, unlock car, try pumping gas-again no go.
3) and 4) Repeat of step 2.
5) Finally, the clerk had to come out and help me pump the gas and we realized after practically 5 tries that something was wrong with the nozzle, not me!

I ended up moving over to the next gas tank and using that one. Thankfully, no one was in line to pump gas behind me. The downside was that it took my like 20 minutes to get fuel, which I'm pretty sure is some time of world record. The great part is now I feel like an expert and i'm pretty sure I won't feel nervous the next time I need to obtain gasoline for my vehicle.

Long live the farting cow!

Morally Challenged

So this week has been tough-God has been amazing, but the same sin keeps rearing its ugly head in my life. I'm beginning to think that something is seriously wrong with me if I keep tripping over the same mistake, over and over and over! I'm praying, i'm fighting, i'm struggling, and I feel as though nothing is happening. I know that I should embrace God's forgiveness, but it's kind of hard when after I've asked I end up messing up again, sometimes right after I finish praying. For me it's all about trying to take my thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ. Please pray for me, i feel like a failure. God is good though-that's for sure. I think i've decided that i'm just a bit morally challenged. Hmm...

"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!" -Romans 7:24

Change of Heart

There has been a change of heart, a change of mind, a change of reason as to why I do the things I do. Not only has the first four weeks of college molded me, but it is also teaching me to grow up in my faith. Up until this point I had not realized what a childish faith I truly had, how I became accustomed to getting things my way. For the first time in a long time I feel as though God is saying no, that I just need to wait this one out and grow from it. It hurts, I can tell you, to put down your own desires before the Lord and trade it in for His desires. To basically say, God, let your will be done whether or not I am happy with the circumstances. God is molding me, but it's painful...I mean, whoever said discipline was easy? The crazy part that I can't seem to wrap my mind around is that the Lord is actually doing this because he cares for me and because he wants what is best. Well, through out these trials I can easily admit to you that I have failed, that I haven't been a faithful servant of Christ that I thought I was, but instead turned out to be a big baby who is frustrated from not getting her way. I've reached this point that there's no way to look but up and just pray that I am given the strength to be obedient to His will.

"The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time.
You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
The LORD is near to all who call on him,to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them."

Psalm 145:14-19

I'm Just Not Feeling It

So I think the week is starting to catch up to me and wear me down. I'm also becoming super frustrated because I need a car and I am not even close to having enough money to purchase one. I'm absolutely tired of adjusting to the schedules of other people and having to wake up extra early or leave late just because I am running on somebodies timing. And the thing I don't understand is why I always have to learn a spiritual lesson every time that I am frustrated. My stomach also hurts and I just don't want to be at school today-thankfully I have an orthodontist appointment and am able to leave early, but as for now I just want to go crawl back into my warm, comfy bed and crash. I want to just give up and quit. Don't get me wrong, God has showered me with tons of blessings but right now I am just choosing to be pouty-it's just one of those days. Please pray for me about the car! I'm irritated because it's not as if I want one to make me happy or to look cool, I just genuinely need one now.

Killing Apathy and Finding Contentment

Sorry guys, this post is totally random, all my thoughts just thrown together. Hope you can keep track. :)

Do you ever feel like you are in a downward spiral? Yeah, so that was my week and I can see how I flunked in so many areas. I realized that I was frustrated and refusing to see the blessings that the Lord had for me. I was reading Jimmy Needham's myspace and something caught my eye:

"There is a phenomenon of supernatural apathy and a lack of vigor from a majority of American believers. We have bought into Satans lie that God just wants us to be happy. So we seek only to please ourselves, never looking to the lost with a broken heart, praying but never acting. This cannot be the Lords will."

I obviously was not content in the Lord and was trying to find it (yet again) in other people and things. I keep whining about how I hate being at school, how I'm unhappy, and how I honestly see no purpose in me being where I am. I got caught up in the mindset that my sole purpose in life is to be happy. Forget God's will right? Wrong. God has placed me here for his purpose and his will. I'm not happy with it? So what Arev. Suck it up. I want to do God's will and I'm tired of moping around, refusing to see all of the glorious things that God has been doing and is going to do. Sure, transition is hard, but that's okay. I need change, I need to be thrown out of my comfort zone, because now I am required to lean on the Lord for guidance. The last two weeks I felt apathetic and completely self absorbed. Now my question is, how do I find contentment in the Lord? I've been running on empty, and I'm ready to be filled with God's joy. I want to serve, and I want to work with what I have.

College is certainly not what I expected it to be and I think it's hilarious how I had all these plans and how they have all fallen through. Then I realized that I was not putting my hope in the Lord, but (as silly as this sounds) in college, in having fun, in experiencing new things. Well, I am definitely experiencing new things, just not the things I was hoping for. I really thought it would be easy, but it's not. I was talking to Azad and she said that maybe I should stop questioning if God wants me at FPU but rather embrace it. Embrace where Christ has me and just run with it. Okay God, I'm all yours. Do what you have for me and help me to be obedient.